To Write or Not to Write?

WARNING, WARNING, WARNING: Super exciting (actually quite boring) blog post ahead. Proceed at your own risk!

I have been having this thought run through my mind a lot lately. I so badly want to dedicate myself to the mind jotting, which I know I need to do if I ever want something to grow from my words.

But this other thought keeps sneaking in: what do I have to say that is so interesting or important?

I know - hard question

An old colleague of mine made a comment one day that has stuck with me, like....like that black sticky stuff that bandaids leave - Gross, I know! Anywho:

So she fancies the art of writing (like myself!), and happens to be pretty talented at it (unlike myself!), so I asked her if she would ever consider trying to publish any of her peices. She responded with something to the effect of, "When I have something to say that means anything important or that people will want to read I will put it out there." We then had a discussion about the mentality that is required for a writing career, and she went on to say how there is something egotistical about writing that she can't quite get over. I thought about that, I am still thinking about it, and I don't quite know how I feel about it. It makes me hesitate every time I want to share my thoughts and words.

I mean, yes, there is definitely some ego that goes into the thought, "Yes! I AM going to write a book, because I AM THAT AWESOME, and everyone will LOVE me, and I WILL be the next H E M I N G W A Y!" Perhaps there is even ego in the more modest thought, "I think I am going to write a book that will interest some people."

But isn't there ego in every career, hobby, etc.? What makes someone think that they could be a surgeon, a teacher, a banker, a knitter? The fact that they already have so many credits, or experience in that field that they may as well go for it? Perhaps. Others' support? Probably. Interest? Obviously, silly! I guarantee, however, that another key ingredient is confidence or ego - even if it is misplaced.

Maybe I am making gross generalizations - that is not my goal, and I apologize if I have offended anyone. AN-Y-ONE!

Who really knows what my goal is in writing this silly post anyway?

You're right.

I should.

Maybe I am just trying to make myself feel better for thinking I want to be a writer, without wanting to be egotistical? But if what I am thinking is correct, and there is a little bit of ego in everything we do, is that such a bad thing? I feel like ego is oftentimes negatively connotated, and perhaps it shouldn't be. I can tell you one thing for SURE - I would much rather have an egotistically (is that even a word?!) confident surgeon operating on my husband in an invasive manner and being able to identify his cancer than surgeons who make the smallest incision possible and are unable to find anything conclusive! Sheesh that was annoying!

And maybe I am way off; I keep feeling like "ego" or "egotistical" isn't the word I am even looking for at all, but I can't quite put my tongue on the right one. Ah well.....

I think I am going to write. And try not to feel pressured to say anything interesting or important, or even very good for that matter. And try not to feel like I am being egotistical by putting my stuff out there, because why not?